It feels like a long time since I’ve been here. 2.07am. Sydney sleeps but I lie here awake. About an hour ago I gave up on my bed and took my blanket and pillow to the roof where I have installed myself on a sofa. I can see the hospital, so I guess not everyone is asleep. I have a pretty good view of the city from here, and because it is cloudy, the lights from the city make the sky glow a dim orange. At dawn I’ll be able to see the first plane come in to land. It’s not all bad. It’s comfortable enough. Still, I’d rather be asleep.
It’s been a while. Last year I had lots of these nights. I expected them. My truckload of thoughts and I would come up here and stare at the stars, thinking of other faraway places where the sun had already risen and waiting for the sun to rise here. The minutes tick by very slowly at this time of day. I hated the night. I would dread the end of the day because it meant another long night of no sleep and zillions of thoughts that I couldn’t remove from my head.
It’s been a while. Mostly this year I have been so tired that by the time I fall into bed my body is already giving up so my brain has no chance of keeping me awake. But I handed in my last essay of the term yesterday and now it feels like my brain is relishing the opportunity to once again flood me with suitcase-loads of somethings and nothings to both think and worry about.
It’s been a while. Oddly, I’ve just been texting a friend who is currently in Nepal who I miss dearly. I haven’t been able to speak to her for a few weeks cause Skype is not working. I wouldn’t have been able to chat with her now if I were asleep.
I’m not overjoyed to be awake. But thanks be to God that tonight unlike so many that have gone before, there is a silver lining.