On chasing dreams

Chase your dreams.
Nothing is out of your reach.
The sky’s the limit.

These were the mantras of my childhood. I confess, I like them. The outer curves of my imagination also function as my limits. These ideas are very precious to me.

Oddly though, I have always found that my dreams weren’t that difficult to catch, my reach actually extended farther than I thought, and the sky was surprisingly close. It’s not that things have always come easy – I have certainly had a fair amount of struggles and difficult decisions – but more that once I decided that I wanted to do something, and then I just went and did it.

I started a PhD right out of uni. When I decided I didn’t want to do that anymore, I decided I wanted to do ministry, so I did that. Then I decided I wanted to go to Mexico. So I bought a plane ticket and went. Then I wanted to go to College, and guess what, I went.

I know this makes me sound spoilt, as though I’ve never had any battles. That’s so far from true. The battles I have had just haven’t been of the employment variety. I’m coming to see that such an experience is something of a blessing.

But now. Now I face the awful dilemma of knowing what I want to do, but being unable to grasp it. All of a sudden my dreams feel like pipe dreams, all I feel in my fingers is wind, and the sky is cold and distant.

Where do I source the energy to keep applying for the job I want? How do I not give up hope? How do I not take all the rejections personally?

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